I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
