I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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