I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
