So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
