White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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