Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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