Your dad touched me again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
