for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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