Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
