If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
