So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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