Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
