even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
