I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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