You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
