When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
