okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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