Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
