obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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