Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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