quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
