He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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