Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I forget how to act sober
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
