We're like a lot better than the average bears
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
