I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
