You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
did i just pee glitter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
