i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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