He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pooping to opera.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
