Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
