you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
