I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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