I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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