i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
