happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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