I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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