I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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