Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
