like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
