I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
