Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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