Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
