so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You made out with two different species that night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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