do herpes really smell.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
