We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
