why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
