My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Four minutes until I can fart!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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