NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
