bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
