I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
