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And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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