The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
