I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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