i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well