Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize