well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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