OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
