I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
