Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
