I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You may now shotgun with the bride
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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