I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
