please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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