Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
