Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
