I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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