Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
