Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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