i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
