Screwed.edu
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
