If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
