When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
