This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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